Consider the goal you created as a Pie In The Sky [...]]]>

After you’ve decided to fix something that’s fucked messed up and you’ve figured out a goal that aligns with your passions and your purpose, then it’s time to get into some details about exactly how you want to create this change.

Where’s My Pie?

Consider the goal you created as a Pie In The Sky (mmm pumpkin pie).  Most people don’t ever get to eat that pie because when they first try, they realize that it’s really hard to swallow in one big bite.  I remember watching my Grandmother cook Thanksgiving pumpkin pie when I was a kid.  I wanted some pie, but I wasn’t allowed to use a knife, so I tried to sneak a bite by sticking my whole hand into the middle.  Needless to say I got caught and didn’t get any pie at all (until my Mom snuck me a piece right before bed).  But I learned that in order to eat pie in polite company, I needed to slice it into pieces first.

So, let’s consider something a bit radical. (it’s not really radical, I just like saying radical because it sounds exciting, wooo wooo) Let’s cut your goal into 3, 4 or 5 more manageable pieces. That way, you can actually fit the pie in your mouth, a piece at a time, and get plenty of great tasting cinnamon pumpkin filling (ie rewards & feedback) with each bite.

Now this doesn’t mean that you’ll necessarily eat one piece of pie and then eat another piece of pie sequentially. As a child, if you put three pieces of pie in front of me, then I would eat some of each piece and hence claim them all as mine (I really like pumpkin pie okay!) I might take a bite from each piece or take two bites from this piece and three bites from that piece.  But the point is that the pie, and your goal, is now more adaptable to your capabilities.  You can eat whichever piece is more appealing to you (or work on whatever focus area seems most important in this moment) and then switch to a different piece if you get bored.

Bake Your Pie According To The Recipe

Pull out your goal statement (you can create one using the process here) which should include what you want to change (your problem statement) and a listing of the key reasons why it’s important to you.  As a reminder, here’s mine…

PROBLEM: I’m constantly disappointed that I’ve never written or published a single fictional story even though my mind is constantly filled, to the point of swirling insanity, with new characters, new plots, and new book ideas.

GOAL: My life is truly awesome because I create an abundant living by writing and publishing amazing and wonderful stories that help people experience an authentic, sensual, and playful world in their imagination and in their real life.

KEY REASONS:

• The fictional stories in my head could help me connect with, entertain, and teach a lot of people.
• I want the world to know that their life can be authentic, sensual, playful, and amazing.
• I want to share the power of imagination and creative expression to change peoples lives inside and out.
• I might actually explode if I don’t tell my fictional stories to the people who truly need to hear them.

Find a Good Sharp Knife

So using your key reasons and your intuition as guideposts, define 3-5 focus areas that can help you reach your goal. These could be milestones, important accomplishments, or just the fun things you want to experience along the way.

Again, I’m using my life as a guinea pig so here’s my top three focus areas

1. Write some awesome stories (novels, novellas, short stories, oh my!)
2. Get published somewhere, anywhere (oh god, oh god, oh god – I’m scared)
3. Connect with other fiction writers to encourage me & help me succeed (I love making new friends – whew)
4. Connect with fiction readers so I can write the stories they want to hear (and that I want to write)

Cut Your Pie Into Convenient Size Pieces

Next, take 10 minutes and brainstorm (bubbling or cloudstorm) actions that will help you reach your goal within each of these focus areas. You don’t have to know the exact path to success, you are just looking to define the next few steps.  So, write down anything that comes to mind without worrying about the time or effort required.

For example, here’s a few actions I came up with during my brainstorming…

• write a bunch of short stories (#1)
• read a book on story arc development (#1)
• complete a class on getting fiction published which includes mentoring & submitting my work (#2)
• subscribe to fiction writing & publishing blogs (#2)
• follow published fiction authors on twitter & talk to them (#3)
• choose, contact & meet a writing mentor  (#3)
• join a readers community & participate in discussions (#4)

Great ideas need landing gear as well as wings.  ~C.D. Jackson

Eat Pie Now or Eat Pie Later?

To determine which actions will be part of your initial pattern interrupt, consider which ones you can do in less than a 2 hour window, and which actions will take a little more time. Simply separate them into Setup actions and Maintenance actions.  Again, use your intuition as well as your logic.  You don’t want to overwhelm yourself and have a failed Setup Session simply because you tried to do too much.

So here’s how I separated mine…

• start writing one short story – Setup
• write a bunch more short stories  – Maintenance
• Buy a book on story arc development – Setup
• Finish reading a book on story arc development  – Maintenance
• Sign Up for an online fiction publishing class – Setup
• complete a class on getting fiction published – Maintenance
• subscribe to fiction writing & publishing blogs – Setup
• Find published authors on twitter – Setup
• talk to published authors on twitter – Maintenance
• choose & contact a writing mentor – Setup
• meet a writing mentor – Maintenance
• join a readers community – Setup
• participate in a reading community discussion – Maintenance

Serves One

In the next article, I’ll define exactly how to complete the Pattern Interrupt Setup so that you feel supported and inspired to accomplish your goals and make the changes that you want to make in your life.  In the meantime, if you are feeling excited to get a jump on things, take any of the Setup actions you defined above and do them. I promise, nobody is going to punish you and send you to bed without Your Slice of Pie.

Besides, we’re so close to making a huge change I can almost taste it (or is that MY piece of pumpkin pie?)

Does your goal seem easier now that it’s cut into bite size chunks? How else do you categorize your important actions? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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Next, I promised to use my life as [...]]]>

First, thank you for sticking with me.  Whether you are doing it to learn about making changes in your life, or just to watch my antics as a physicist madly enamored with patterns, who enjoys organizing emotions and other thought gymnastics…. I do appreciate your support.

Next, I promised to use my life as a guinea pig so I’m going to have to change something.  Something BIG.  Something that isn’t going to be all puppy dogs and rainbows for me.  Something that scares the crap out of me. And (oh boy) do I have the perfect problem.

All I had to do was ask myself “What’s not working?” (actually, in my journal I wrote “What’s fucked up and needs to get fixed?” but it’s just as effective without the swearing).  And then I waited.  Unfortunately, I waited a very long time, 6 months to be exact, while I hemmed and hawed about all the stuff I wanted to fix.  Small Mistake!

Then I learned some stuff from a book called “Five Wishes” by Gay Hendricks & “The Sedona Method” by Hale Dwoskin & added in my knowledge of process improvement techniques.  So, here’s how I defined my goals in less than 15 minutes… (get out your journal & follow along with me!)

Step ONE:

Choose one area of your life that you want to change.

• Habits
• Career 
• Money
• Education
• Relationships
• Family
• Emotions
• Character
• Life Purpose
• Spiritual Development
• Fun/Adventure<– I chose this area

Step TWO:

Pretend you are dying (I’m not being morbid!  Just close your eyes and imagine yourself lying on your deathbed).  And someone asks you “What one thing would have made you successful in this area of your life?” Write it down, NOW.  Don’t give in to mental prioritizations.  In one sentence, write down the first thing that came to your mind.  (Are you done?  I’ll wait.) This is your old, unwanted pattern.

Here’s mine: I’m constantly disappointed that I’ve never written or published a single fictional story even though my mind is constantly filled, to the point of swirling insanity, with new characters, new plots, and new book ideas.

Step THREE:

Pull out your journal again and describe why this is important to you. Notice the words “to you.”  Define why this problem is a big deal for you, NOT why it *might* be a big deal for you mother, or your husband, or your wife, or your boss.  Also notice that I’m not asking for your ideal solution.  Try to avoid detailing exactly how you are planning to fix this problem.  It doesn’t make sense to jump to a solution before you really know the issue AND the goal.  Instead explore why you care about this change so damn much.

Also make sure that it’s your authentic voice writing down these reasons and not the mental chatter of somebody else’s view (that we can all carry inside our heads).  If you take more than 10 minutes on this step, you’re probably not listening to your intuition. So use a timer if you have a problem discerning your internal voice from all the other gremlins in there.

Here’s mine (a short excerpt):

“I must create Connection but the how & why elude me constantly, evolving like a symbiotic organism, separate but essential to my own life.  The idea that feeds me is Connection.  Truth, Love, & Freedom MUST be shared…. I’m not a superhero (or a supervillian) and rarely pretend to be, but I know that standing on a pedestal makes me a target & scares the crap out of me.  However, if my true purpose is the only guidance I have, then stand I must.  Speak for playfulness & sincerity as two sides of the same coin.  Express authenticity, sensuality, and freedom as an example for anyone else who needs to know they are real.”

Step FOUR:

Boil all those journaling words down to 4 or 5 key points. (this won’t be too hard if you held up to the 10 minute time limit)

Here’s mine: This is a critical change I want to make because…

• The fictional stories in my head could help me connect with, entertain, and teach a lot of people.
• I want the world to know that their life can be authentic, sensual, playful, and amazing.
• I want to share the power of imagination and creative expression to change peoples lives inside and out.
• I might actually explode if I don’t tell my fictional stories to the people who truly need to hear them.

Step FIVE:

Using what is important to you from step FOUR, describe the change you want to create in one sentence.  Write down exactly what this area of your life could be like *today* if this problem was already resolved. Basically I want you to state your new pattern in a positive manner using the present tense.  Please don’t list how you are going to fix things.  Describe how it feels to be living life when the problem isn’t a problem anymore.

Use brevity but be honest.  Leaving out something essential simply because you’re not sure if you should (or should not) have it will just add a destructive element to your pattern later.  It’s a waste of effort to define a new pattern and build in a way to sabotage it at the same time. It may be scary, but you’ll be happier with the truth in the long run.

Here’s mine: My life is truly awesome because I create an abundant living by writing and publishing amazing and wonderful stories that help people experience an authentic, sensual, and playful world in their imagination and in their real life.

After step five, rewrite your problem statement, 4 key points, and new pattern goal on a single sheet of paper and post it in your office (or anywhere else you’ll see it everyday). Doing this extra step can ensure that you are constantly reminded of your promise and daily reaffirm your passion to make this change.

If just writing down you goals is a new step that you’ve never taken before then, congratulate yourself.  Only 3% of people on the earth write down their goals and that 3% is purported to hold more wealth, own more land, and make more money than any other group.

Plus, just writing down a goal has been shown to increase it’s chances of being completed by 90%. 90%! In my book (which is a book filled with time dependent Schrodinger equation and other beautiful math puzzles) 90% is fucking awesome.

How do you feel now that you have a written goal? What other goal setting methods have you used? Share your ideas in the comment section!

If you enjoyed the article, please subscribe to LiraVaughan.com and share it with your friends using the Share & Enjoy social bookmarking sites. Thank you for your support!

“You’re here because you know [...]]]>

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re wasting your life?  Running in circles, forever busy, but never getting anything of consequence done? You know that if you could just figure out what you SHOULD be doing with your life, you would finally feel the passion and motivation that’s been missing.

“You’re here because you know something. What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.” -Morpheus from The Matrix

What you’re looking for is your purpose.  And its not missing.  Its there, waiting in the shadows for you to discover it.

What Is the Matrix

The Princeton dictionary defines purpose as “an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions.”  But your life purpose isn’t just a goal.  It’s a goal that ignites endless passion, motivation, and emotion. And it doesn’t just guide your actions, it builds your life into the Hero’s Journey. The human story of overcoming difficulty where we discover that the internal rewards far outweigh the external ones.

Purpose can also be described as simply “what something is used for.”  And for many people, this is where the lack of clarity arises.  However, your purpose is NOT what someone or something uses you for, because no one but you can define your purpose.   Nor is your purpose the same things as your life’s Meaning.  The meaning of your life defines the context of your purpose, but not the actual goal.  For a better understanding of this, read Create a Meaningful Life.

The Red Pill

So what is your life purpose?  Just as is the case with so many Koans, or riddles of life, the answer is short and easy to understand.

Your life purpose is to share you inner self with others.

But not necessarily simple to act upon.

“Neo, sooner or later you’re going to realize just as I did that there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. ” -Morpheus from The Matrix

For many people, this easy answer fills them with fear.  Fear that they don’t really know their true inner self. Fear of exposing themselves to others and being rejected.  Fear of failing or not being good enough.  Fear of succeeding but ending up alone at the top.  And each of these fears MUST be faced…. in time.

Although the short answer is hard to face, the good news is that the hard answer arises from a simple Q&A session.

Down The Rabbit Hole

Here’s how you find the hard answer.

1.  Ask yourself “Am I ready to know my purpose?” and listen to your internal Voice.  Remember, your internal Voice doesn’t sound like your parents, your boss, your coworkers, or anyone else.  Your Voice, whether it’s soft or loud, sounds like you and only you.  You’ll always know it, because it will always sound like the truth.  And, the answer to this first question will be YES.  That’s why you’re still reading.

Now that you’ve opened up to your Voice, you’re ready to…

2.  Ask yourself “Am I frightened of my purpose, even a little?” and accept whatever response you receive.  Many people will also answer this second question with YES.  This is a huge step.  You’ve accepted that you want to know your purpose and that you have fears associated with that purpose.

If you answered this second question with NO, then you may need to dig deeper or you may not be listening to your true Voice.  Perhaps your Daemon, your analytical side, is blocking your feelings with too much logic.  For example, the Daemon may respond “Of course I’m not afraid of my purpose.  I just haven’t figured out what it is. That’s why I haven’t done it yet.”  Don’t fight with the Daemon but don’t believe it’s BS either.  Fighting only gives it more power.  Instead, ask a more literal question such as “Am I afraid of acting on my purpose?”

Its important to recognize that you have fears linked to your life’s purpose. If you didn’t have any fears, you would already be doing exactly what you need to do.  This acceptance is critical when you…

3.  Ask yourself “What do I NEED to share with others that I haven’t shared yet?” and  “What do I NEED to do that I haven’t done yet?” Write every answer down in your journal.  Do you need to write your life story?  Do you need to quit your corporate job and become a teacher? Do you need to guide and inspire others? Everything.  Even if it’s “I don’t know” over and over again.  Write it down until you reach past your inhibitions and you begin to feel deep seated emotions. Write until you feel something, whether its anger, sadness, happiness, or fear.  Then, each time you feel emotions begin to well up, mark that entry, and continue writing.

Give this process at least 30 minutes to an hour.  Some bloggers say you can find your answer in 20 minutes, but I think it takes a little longer.  You need to give yourself some time to peel back the protective layers and let your Voice speak from the deepest part of your soul. Whether your list has 8 marked items or 80, these are the keys to your life’s purpose.

After you have marked as many entries as you want and you feel that nothing new is coming up then you…

4.  Sift through the marked answers to find the critical ones. Compare each marked answer and cross off or combine similar thoughts.  Prioritize your marked answers according to which ones have the most meaning, the most passion, the most emotional content for you.  These 5 to 10 answers are your Life Purpose.

The One

Taken together, the answers to your Life Purpose are absolutely unique to you.  They don’t signify the same ideas to anyone else and more importantly, they can’t be done by anyone else.  Their uniqueness defines you as the One to achieve them. It also defines you as the One who must face the associated fears.

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Being the One is like being love. No one can tell you you’re in love, you just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones.” -Oracle in The Matrix

Happily, the act of confronting your fears is also an act of creation.  Facing your fears creates a deeper understanding of your inner self. It indicates you have hope, faith, and belief that your inner self can overcome this obstacle and transform into something greater.  You already know you can be and do so much more.  Accept your belief, accept your Life Purpose, and turn to face one fear.

To begin, simply choose one piece of your Life Purpose and act.  Perhaps you need to take a Leap of Faith or perhaps you need more insight into the fear itself, but you must act.  To face your fears is to walk the Path of Purpose and live openly from you inner self. I know you can do this and so do you.

“I don’t know the future. I didn’t come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin.

I’m going to hang up this phone, and then I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I’m going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you. “ -Neo from The Matrix

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What is your Life Purpose? How are you working toward your Life Purpose? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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In fact, a study done by Professor Frank Bernieri, of Oregon State University, and Tricia Prickett, one of Bernieri’s students, found that the most critical impressions are made within the first 15 to [...]]]>

During an interview, you have no more than four minutes to prove you are a friendly, intelligent, and capable person.

In fact, a study done by Professor Frank Bernieri, of Oregon State University, and Tricia Prickett, one of Bernieri’s students, found that the most critical impressions are made within the first 15 to 30 seconds. So, before you can answer a single question, your entrance, handshake, and initial body language may have already decided the outcome.

Kinesics, the study and interpretation of body language, facial expressions, and gestures was first developed in 1952 by Dr. Ray Birdwhistell.  More recently, Allan and Barbara Pease, the authors of The Definitive Book of Body Language wrote that “…body language accounts for 60-80% of the impact made around a negotiating table.”

Using the following 10 tips can ensure your non-verbal communication will create a great first impression and get you the job you want.

1. Use persuasive and uplifting language in your resume

Besides getting you the interview, adjectives such as proven, adventurous, self-confident, independent, and persistent, create a favorable mindset in the reader. This is called the Primacy Effect. Your interviewer, after reviewing your resume, will unconsciously associate these positive traits with you, during that first meeting. Consider using a professional resume writer who knows how to use the Primacy Effect for you!

2. Present a calm, organized appearance

Wear appropriate business attire under an unbuttoned coat and carry a slim briefcase or folder. An unbuttoned coat suggests that you have an efficient and open personality. And a slim briefcase shows that you focus on the important top-level details and get things done on schedule.

3. Enter the office without hesitation

Whether the office door is open or closed, enter the office in one smooth continuous motion, without slowing your stride or shuffling your steps at the door. A steady stride indicates that you are accustomed to walking confidently into meetings and business offices. It also shows that you are interested in what you are doing and don’t waste time.

4. Shake hands calmly and directly

Deliberately put down your folder, briefcase, or coat and immediately shake hands with your interviewer. Avoid shaking hands over a desk, which reduces your perceived status, by stepping to the left side of the desk. Exert the same hand grip pressure that you receive. And try to keep your palm in a vertical position, so that neither hand is on top. A palm-up position can make you seem submissive whereas a palm-down position can make you seem overly aggressive. During an initial meeting, a vertical palm communicates equality and creates instant rapport.

5. When you sit, angle your body or chair to 45 degrees relative to the interviewer

Sitting directly across a table or desk is generally seen as competitive or defensive. By slightly turning your body to the side, you signal a cooperative attitude throughout the discussion.

6. Don’t cross your arms or legs

“When you fold your arms, your credibility dramatically reduces” writes Allan Pease. Crossing the arms or legs is a closed body position which can be misinterpreted as a negative, defensive, or nervous attitude. Instead, keep your elbows out to the side or resting on the arms of the chair, and your fingers slightly touching forming a “steeple.” Don’t clench the hands together. A “steepled” hand gesture and open body position show that you are self-confident and immersed in the discussion.

7. Use mirroring gestures

Dr. Birdwhistell estimated that humans can make and recognize around 250,000 facial expressions.

Using similar gestures, expressions, and the same tone of voice as your interviewer can create a feeling of relaxation and shared respect. Speaking faster than your interviewer will create “pressure” in the conversation, whereas speaking with the same tone and at the same rate will establish empathy. Smiling is a universal gesture which is also usually reciprocated. It creates positive feelings for both the giver and receiver and improves the relationship overall.

8. Avoid touching your face with your hands

Many hand to face gestures hint at nervousness, anxiety, or deceit. This type of movement is caused by your unconscious mind trying to avoid seeing, speaking, or hearing any lies or falsehoods. Although it may simply be that you are unsure of your answer, it still indicates a lack of self-confidence in the message you are trying to convey.

9. Maintain a social and connected gaze for approximately 90% of the discussion

After taking your seat, keep your eyes focused on the interviewer for the majority of time. A constantly wandering gaze may be seen as a lack of interest in the discussion. Hold your gaze in the triangular area of their face created by the eyes and the mouth. Focusing on this area shows that you are non-threatening and attentive. Gazing at the forehead can imply you are an aggressive authority figure and possibly unfriendly. Gazing below the face, especially at the opposite sex, can denote an intimate connection that should be avoided during any business meeting.

10. Exit calmly and deliberately

When the interview has concluded, gather your belongings one item at a time and turn to face your interviewer. Shake hands and smile, and then walk decisively out the door. Leaving without hesitation conveys your capability and authority. And smiling ensures that the interview ends on a friendly, positive note.

Check out the Fox television show Lie To Me, a program inspired by Dr. Paul Ekman and his real life study of body language and micro-expressions, to see some of these tips in action.

To practice using each of these tips, set up mock interviews or try introducing yourself to strangers. With careful attention and consistent use, they will become second nature and allow you to make a positive first impression in almost any situation.

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How successful was your last interview? What actions do you take to ensure you make a great first impression? Share your ideas in the comment section!

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